We depend on many things in life. However, what some people depend on can be destructive. Drinking, gambling or fits of rage may be the crutch used by some to get through each day. Addictive behaviors can be very difficult to break; so it is understandable that we want to help others eliminate negative behavior. The problem is that our helping, might be adding fuel to the fire instead.
Instructions
Stop Being Co-Dependent
1. Identify the problem. It is often easier to identify the issues that others have. However, looking at yourself is much harder. It can be extremely difficult watching those we love struggle. The immediate response is to offer help; but by doing so, you may be enabling someone to continue behaving in an untoward manner. Therefore, focusing on the results of your actions is important. It can help to determine whether or not you are really helping someone.
2. Discuss your findings with this person. Many times people are so caught up in their own problems that they do not see the results of their actions. Acknowledge the person's condition and advise that person that you want to help. However, let this person know that you cannot continue to help because by doing so, you are not allowing that person to get better.
3. Let the person know how you feel about him/her and that you want to continue your relationship. Tell this person how hard the plight has been on you.
4. Make it clear what actions you will no longer continue to do and remind the person that your intention is to help. For example, continuing to provide money to someone with a gambling problem allows that person to continue to gamble. You are not helping this person to stop gambling by bailing that person out time and time again.
5. Be consistent. There may be times when you feel compelled to help but you must resist. Convince yourself, as well as your friend, that your help is hindering recovery. If you give into this person's requests, this can deteriorate the credibility of your words and suggest to your friend that with enough pleading, he/she will get want he/she needs from you.
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