Kids with autism have very unique verbal and non-verbal language differences that can make it difficult to talk to them. Kids with autism range from very low to very high functioning. Even if you are talking to an intelligent high-functioning person with autism and they appear to have good language skills, their language differences can make conversational skills difficult. Understanding their needs, though, can help to make a conversation go smoothly. It can help to ensure that they really understand what you are saying.
Instructions
1. To talk to kids with autism, be aware of and monitor for some of the common language difficulties that they have.
Kid with autism (again, no two people with autism are exactly alike) tend to think very literally. They have a hard time with slang, non-literal language, implied concepts, and generalizations. They have a harder time with turn taking. They also do not read the more subtle nuances of socialization well. This could include facial expressions, feelings that are demonstrated in our tone of voice, meanings that are derived by our relationship with the other person or the setting, etc. They may not understand how behavior changes between more formal encounters and less formal encounters. They are generally uncomfortable with eye contact. They have a hard time sustaining a conversation or topic, especially a topic of another person's choosing. That is because it is often hard for them to take the perspective of other people. In other words, "I am interested in this so surely everyone else is."
2. Know when to require eye contact.
Higher functioning adults with autism all say (I have heard them say this at conference after conference) that they can make eye contact but it comes with a price. When they make eye contact, they are usually so focused on that very thing that their comprehension of what is being said is impaired. Research shows that people with autism tend to look at the mouth region of the face. They are still looking at your face though, so you know that you do have their attention. However, eye contact is a social expectation. It can get in the way of gaining employment, friends, etc. The best recommendation is to only require more direct eye contact during very social situations that do not require much comprehension. They have to learn that there are times that it will be expected from them and they have to have experience with that. Let them know the times when they need to focus on making that eye contact. However, if you are giving instructions to a student or to your child, then comprehension may be much more important than eye contact as long as you know you have their attention.
3. Use literal language.
This can be difficult because we may not even realize how much implied language we actually use. For example, if we are talking to another adult and a child with autism starts to interrupt, we might say something like "I am talking to someone." That does not tell them to wait. Their reaction might be to think "yes, you are talking to someone" and then go right on talking. You have to be specific and tell them that you need them to wait until after you are done talking before they speak.
4. Keep words and conversation length to a minimum.
Kids with autism tend to have a limited attention span when it comes to things that are of interest to others. Additionally, they often do not have the same need to please others that we might expect. It will be easy to loose their interest and attention.
5. Pair verbal language with non-verbal cues and verify understanding.
Kid with autism tend to think in pictures. They are far more visual than auditory. When giving them information or redirecting them, it is preferable to use cues to support verbal communication. Point to what you are referring to or actually show them what you mean, etc. Provide visual input as well as auditory. Also, do not expect them to gain meaning from your facial expressions or tone of voice. Kids with autism can be taught to do this but it has to be concretely taught, just like a math problem would be. Unless this is a skill they have mastered, do not necessarily expect it. Finally, if you are giving them information or directions, always check for understanding. Do not ask, "did you understand" because there is a good chance they will give an affirmative response even though they did not understand. Ask them "show me.." or "tell me what I just said."
6. Be patient.
The minds of kids with autism are often processing much better than it would appear. Teachers may tell a child something and the child will appear to not have a clue what was said. However, weeks later they can often repeat it back and actually demonstrate understanding. Patience is also required with turn taking in conversations. They may tend to want to keep going back to their preferred topic. It is not that they do not care about what you are saying, it is just that their mind does not operate in a "I can focus on what is important to you" mode. They have one main perspective and that is their own perspective.
When giving information that they need to know or when redirecting them, turn the topic back to what needs to be said. Be patient, but also be firm. Be willing to stop them and say, "We can talk about ___ but first we have to talk about ___" or "no, we are talking about ___."
During more casual conversation, be willing to talk about something of interest to them. They may be enthralled that you like the same things they do. It could be a basis for supporting good casual conversation and supporting a positive relationship.
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