When a loved one has Alzheimer's Disease, the family member or spouse caring for her grieves throughout the period beginning at diagnosis, and after the person's death. Because Alzheimer's takes so much of the person away before her actual physical death, a family, and the patient herself, may undergo a variety of grief stages over time. Accept your grief without judging and seek help when needed.
Loss Before Death
Alzheimer's patients and their families experience loss long before the actual death occurs. In the months leading up to an Alzheimer's death, the patient may not remember his family or display his usual personality. During this time, families experience anticipatory grief, and start to expect or even hope for the person's death.
Anticipatory grief is normal and so is feeling guilty about it. Join a support group for Alzheimer's Disease family members. Accept the feelings of grief you have while your loved one is still alive. If your loved one is in nursing or hospice care, you do not have to visit constantly. Release yourself from that obligation when it is burdensome. Divert yourself with activities like social engagements, shopping and exercise.
After Death
When a loved one dies from Alzheimer's Disease, family members may feel relieved, and then guilty because of the relief they feel. It's normal to feel relieved when a person has died who has been trapped in a body that still works when her mind does not. Allow yourself feelings of relief and guilt because these are a normal part of the grieving process.
In other situations, the anticipatory grief felt when the person was progressing toward death does not replace the shock and sadness that comes after the person actually dies. Some people feel shock or numbness when the person with Alzheimer's dies and may not accept the death right away. Work through your shock and numbness by separating yourself from the lost person. This does not mean you need to forget her or "move on," just that your routines change because you are no longer caring for or visiting your loved one with Alzheimer's. As you feel able, go through her possessions and preserve those with special value to you.
Seek support from family and friends. Talk about your feelings and share your memories of the person you lost. Alzheimer's is a consuming disease and you may find yourself restless and uncomfortable now that your days are not filled with caregiving. Pursue hobbies and volunteer in the community. Build friendships and reconnect with family members.
You may feel extreme sadness or anger. It's normal to feel angry and sad about what you have lost, not just the person, but your future hopes and dreams with her. Cry, shout or throw pillows to get your feelings out. Sometimes grief is so severe that it requires professional help. If you cannot stop thinking or dreaming about the person you have lost, if your eating and sleeping routines become very disrupted for a long time, or if your sadness turns into depression, see a doctor.
Tags: Alzheimer Disease, Alzheimer Disease family, Disease family, family members, when person
