When the Time Has Come
At some point you may be confronted with the need to place an obituary in the newspaper. Painful though this occasion may be, you will find that newspapers stand ready to help you through difficulties. Knowing what is expected of you will make submitting an obituary as simple as possible in a time of grief.
Newspapers usually take three approaches to obituaries.
1. Over the telephone, you dictate information to the obituaries editor or someone else on staff.
2. The newspaper has a printed form for you to fill out with the necessary information.
3. A newspaper allows or encourages you to write the obituary yourself.
Remember that an obituary differs from a death notice. A notice of death originates with the hospital, doctor or other institutional reporter, such as a medical examiner or coroner; this information is transmitted to the local, county or state bureau of vital statistics, which has the authority to issue a legal death notice. These notices are published in the newspaper as a matter of record. You will need a copy of this notice to conclude any business left pending by the deceased, gain access to financial records, and conduct legal proceedings on his behalf.
An obituary, on the other hand, tells the story both of a person's life and death. A list of the standard information published is below, but your newspaper may permit inclusion of more personal information, such as hobbies, names of pets, and organizational memberships.
What to Put in an Obituary
This is a fairly simple list, but it is useful to gather your information before you will need to submit the obituary. Not surprisingly, when you are already upset by a loss, it is hard to remember everything you want to say:
Name: Decide exactly what form of the deceased's name you want printed. Middle initials are used infrequently by some people; to others, middle names reflect a family history of which they are very proud. Some people are known to friends and families by nicknames; decide whether to include that.
Date, place of birth and age: Again, this sounds very simple, but not when you are upset. If someone was born in March and died in November, he would be 90 years old; born in November and dying in March, he would be 89. Small towns can be confusing at a time like this: Millerdale and Millervale are counties apart in the same state; know which one is correct ahead of time.
Cause of death: Some families find it upsetting to include this in an obituary, especially if it involved long suffering, quarrels about care, violence, or the person taking her own life. You may include this or ask to have it omitted.
Education is usually part of a notice; the University of Michigan and Michigan State University are very different places, so get the names straight.
Employment can be very straightforward or complicated. You may wish simply to describe your loved one's profession rather than trying to chart his career, especially if it involved working many different jobs or locations.
Professional and voluntary memberships: Again, you may wish to make choices, depending on how actively involved your loved one was. Masonic or other society memberships, work-related memberships, and local organizations such as a garden club, Chamber of Commerce, or local women's or men's organizations can all be included and will be of particular interest to surviving members.
Surviving family: Customarily, this involves direct relations, such as spouses, children, parents and siblings. Some families, however, are structured differently, with step-children, a life partner, and other close relatives who were important parts of your loved one's life. Newspapers are usually fairly flexible on the inclusion of survivors.
Condolence instructions may be added: In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to a specific charity or organization important to the deceased. Families can indicate whether and where they may be visited.
Funeral or memorial arrangements: Some newspapers ask that you not submit an obituary until arrangements have been made; others do not. If family must come from a distance and plans are deferred, you may wish to indicate the funeral home as a contact for information, unless you wish to receive all questions personally.
Special Circumstances
If your loved one was socially or professionally prominent, you may find that your newspaper has already put the most important facts about his life on file. You still have the right to review and correct that information. Especially if your loved one was prominent, the newspaper may require confirmation of the death (the legal notice) before publishing the obituary. Some papers make this a requirement for all obituaries.
Submitting an obituary is a sad task. You can make it easier by making sure you have the information you need before you need it.
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